


why i want to fuck uncle sam

by bigstrongboss



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Other, Patriotism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-23 23:55:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20016871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigstrongboss/pseuds/bigstrongboss
Summary: a demonstration of the american spirit.





	why i want to fuck uncle sam

When Soldier is in Poland, waging the noble war against those goddamned Nazi sons of bitches, he doesn't carry a love letter from his sweetheart back home in his pack.He doesn't have a faded photograph of his dear parents tucked away in his coat, and while he had worn a tiny silver crucifix around his neck on the flight over, within a few days he traded it for a roll of sellotape to hold his shovel together.

No, Soldier isn't a soft-hearted man, and he doesn't find any value in weighing himself down with symbols of such.

But there is one vestige of sentimentality he allows himself. On his chain, nestled next to his dog tags, lies an inconspicuous metal locket. The exterior is pocked and scarred from years of unrelenting combat, scraped by flying shrapnel and knocked about in countless fist-fights, but the inside is pristine, safe and hallowed, revered.

It contains a thumbnail image of Uncle Sam.

Sometimes, he places the locket over his heart and offers it his heartbeat. Each staccato thump drives in more adoration of America, more pride in his country, more love for the citizens back home. He'll press it to his lips and allow himself a taste of sweet freedom, murmuring soft promises of mass Nazi culling, and sometimes he'll- well, that's between him and Uncle Sam. Their relationship is special and intimate, too unique for definition.

Despite having a distinct image, Uncle Sam isn't confined to a corporeal body, and Soldier considers him to have the same omnipresence as God. He is God, in the sense that Soldier doesn't feel any different reciting the national anthem as he did singing hymns in church when he was a boy, but unlike God, Soldier likes to imagine Uncle Sam in various states and positions of sexual intercourse, with or without the hat, but always wearing the bowtie. As do American troops.

Right now, he's sitting in the snow, twirling his chain between his fingers, listening to the metal rattle and clink. He envisions his and Uncle Sam's wedding and, for a second, he wonders if he's lonely.

But he isn't here to philosophise on his attraction to the personification of his country, goddamnit, he's here to kill some fucking Nazis. And because the only real American value is that you love America, and to hell with it if America doesn't love him back.

**Author's Note:**

> loosely inspired by j.g. ballard's "why i want to fuck ronald reagan" <3 also this is my first time posting off restricted in months :0 anons dont kill me


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